Of guilt and grace

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BETTINA CARLOS

Have you ever had a bad day that you’ve taken it out on people unrelated to the matter? Have you lost your temper and scolded your kids out of your frustration? Have you ever felt insufficient as a parent for trying to be present at all times, in all aspects—juggling career and family and yet not satisfied with your “performance” or still hear complaints that you are not spending enough time with them? Have you? I have… Last week.

It’s tough being a mother, let alone be a solo one. Yes, I know I have said multiple times before that I am only the Mother and God is my daughter’s Father (and mine too). But there would really be times when you feel swamped with responsibilities and emotions that they overtake you. And when there are deadlines to meet, chores that cannot be delayed and a daughter who cannot wait to get your attention to show you her gym stunts, you give in, lash out and start a lengthy lecture. All triggered by a very petty matter.

It happened for two consecutive days. My daughter received uncalled for sermon just because she couldn’t focus memorizing a short, 5-line Tagalog spiel she normally would be able to retain easily if she’s just focused and not distracted by gymnastic daydreams.

I have already apologized to my daughter multiple times and immediately compensated for my mistake but the guilt would still not leave me until three days later. I was crying out to the Lord for being such a demanding mother to a loving, forgiving, smart, obedient 6-year old. Only when I attended our church service did I remember about and received grace once more that I completely let go of the guilt.


I am humbled by my child’s quick and complete forgiveness—God is truly the restorer of all things

You see, us moms aspire to be super for our children; that when we fail, we feel terrible. We feel unable to recover quickly and we are swallowed by our sin so much that we question our parenting. If you have felt this way as a parent, allow me to share with you how I got over the guilt and impart comfort you today the same comfort I received from the Lord (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Be humble to ask your spouse or family members on your areas of improvement while praying for a teachable heart to receive their loving and constructive correction. To not take what they say personally for they always only mean well. Do introspection and reflect on the things you need to change and adjustments to make. Pray for wisdom. Plant in your mind that parenting is not about perfection. (Proverbs 11:2)

Remember that when God forgives, He also forgets (Psalm 103:12). Forgive yourself as the Lord has forgiven you. Seek the Lord who restores all things and heals all that’s broken. God restores all relationships.

Love covers all. Love heals all things. Love can fill everything that is empty and lacking. Love is always the answer. (1 Corinthians: 4-7)

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:2

Resist the urge to react and to be critical. Remember Proverbs 15:4 “Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” Your words can either build up your children or break them down.

Remember that we cannot do everything on our own. We need God’s Grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) and Christ’s strength to enable us to do ALL things (Philippians 4:13). As finite beings, our patience, our energy (at times even our love) will run out from time to time if we are not plugged to The Source.

Jesus says: Love one another, as I have loved you. It is truly, always about love.

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Have any thoughts? Send them to me via e-mail at mummybitesph@gmail.com

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