• Prelude To A Date


    “I believe that in the moments of our greatest
    lucidity we can sometimes become aware of
    a presentiment of our own deaths.
    I don’t mean the actual physical death…”

    —Graham Bell, ‘A Director’s Story’ (2006)

    Your plan was based on your
    desired, approximate date and time.
    With him or her. For how it will
    turn out to be you are still uncertain.
    When you met him or maybe her one
    Tuesday afternoon, you are also
    uncertain whether or not he or she
    is your friend. That is why

    you had second thoughts
    when you were invited
    to attend the children’s party.
    You recall. You were just seven
    a grade schooler who refused
    to attend a party a few blocks
    away from your home in Pasay.

    You did not ask for your mother’s
    permission. A part of the real
    you wanted to play, jam, and
    eat those hotdogs with colorful
    marshmallows, and of course
    cake, chicken, and spag, but

    you were so unsure. In your
    sixteenth, you met him—or her.
    Again. And this time, without fear.
    You personally invited him or
    her to pay you a visit. At your
    new home in Antipolo city.
    You told your friend that
    your house in Pasay was
    burned down, years ago. And that
    grandpa did not survive that fall.

    He or she listened to you
    Like a true friend. In your sixteenth
    you played with him or her
    without fear or spot of doubt.
    You asked him or her to sleepover.
    He or she refused. You were promised
    that a meeting is set to happen soon.

    You eagerly waited for that day to
    come. And in your twenty-third, you two
    met as scheduled. At daybreak, you
    decided to pull the trigger. You finally
    heard the voices within you but you will
    never know if he or she salvaged you.



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