My truthful humor blog by my fake self

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ROLLY G. REYES

Heard from someone that “Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.” I say Facebook tries to overtake the two by tempting people to reveal more things they want to hide. FB even features a “temporary profile picture.”

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I wish Facebook would create a new emoticon expressing “duh.”

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I love sipping a hot cup of coffee at Starbucks. The love affair ends when I think that I bought it just for the brand.

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I used to wear bi-focals but now, eyeglasses come with lenses called “progressive.” I just wonder how “eyesight deterioration” can be related to the word progressive.

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Alcohol is a good way to ease tension and relax. Someone advised me that I should not let it do the talking.

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Some old school friends are saying that they still love the smell of books. I advised them to go to the garden and read the flowers.

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The enemies of teamwork in government service are the words “I,” “me” and “mine.” The best attitude is saying “we” and “ours.”

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I am not at ease with conference calls or Skype or Facetime. The part that I like most is just saying “hello” and “goodbye.” Between these two, melatonin takes effect.

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I feel agitated hearing friends saying “I told you so” knowing that they did not say a single word before saying such.

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Some politicians like my favorite failed-rebel senator have a way with words. It’s just that he has difficulty understanding the truth.

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I really like riding on a bicycle. It makes my feet walk to a distance I can never achieve.

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They say depression is triggered by emptiness. I’d like to add the word “wallet” before “emptiness.”

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Ok, so fake news is unacceptable. The public outcry is that no one admits making one.

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Only in America will you find the word “Hut” in two companies selling two different products: Sunglasses and pizza.

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People are getting lazier each day. There are cars, lifts, Segway, remote controls, Irobot mops, dishwashers, washing machines, treadmills, e-cards, vendos, and on-line shopping. Why, you can even have a season pass for games, go to Netflix instead of movies, get a mail-order bride or groom, and have your burgers, fries and pizzas delivered to your doorstep. And we wonder why we gain weight fast. Duh.

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Please leave Belo clinics alone. They are not involved in “fake news.”

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In the US, politicians are affiliated with only two parties. Here, they are affiliated with who they can party with.

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A favorite quote:
“So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.”
– Stewart Francis

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If Bill Gates attracted faces to look at those screens and type, it was Steve Jobs who made them smile doing it. If Bill Gates delivered solutions, Steve introduced fun in finding it.

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Sharing this from a good friend:
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, “I did some schoolwork.”
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”
Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”
Son says, “Toy Story.”
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”
Dad says, “What? At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale.

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“When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Then I was born.”
– Yianni (2015)

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Devastation is when your wife will text you that sex is great in Italy then you suddenly remember that you’re not with her.

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Frustration is when you see a BIR or Meralco billing agent knocking at your door and remembered not taking that class on hypnosis and teleportation.

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I often misjudge people and facts that is why I can never be a good judge or justice. But seeing those robed men and women manning the courts, I’m having second thoughts.

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I asked myself, why am I not investing in bonds? Ian Fleming’s masterpieces from Connery to Craig are now on sale in box sets.

Come to think of it, Hitler is the first person who invented “high fives.” It’s just that he could not bend his arm due to arthritis.

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When someone said that “love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener,” this is one situation that I prefer being blind.

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Reading the lips is a sign of old age. It means your hearing aid is not working.

Good work, good deeds and good faith to all.

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