• Ways to make people happy


    PRESIDENT BS Aquino The Last, I mean Third, and his Cabinet members were discussing while on a plane how to make the Filipino people happy.

    Agriculture Secretary Proceso Alcala said he could throw a sack of imported rice out of the plane and make a family happy.

    Social Welfare Sec. Dinky Soliman said she could throw out of the plane several boxes of donated relief goods and make hundreds happy.

    Budget Secretary Butch Abad said he could throw millions of pesos of government funds out of the plane and make thousands happy.

    President BS Aquino The Last, I mean The Third, joined in. “I could throw all three of you out of the plane make millions of Filipinos happy!”

    Now, here comes the National Transformation Council (NTC) saying, in effect, that if it’s the President who gets thrown out of the plane, the entire Philippines will be happy.

    This joke is gaining currency. I guess if we can’t make BS Aquino fire under-performing and highly controversial members of his “student council Cabinet,” as revered statesman Joker Arroyo describes it, we can just joke about it. Hey, why is it that I have this sneaky feeling the Aquino administration believes the joke is on us? Whether we like him or not, he’ll be in place until June 30, 2016 – unless he gets thrown out or is forced to resign, which the NTC wants to happen.
    * * *
    Even as its demands for reforms and the firing of a number of his Cabinet members have gone unheeded by Malacañang, the NTC continues its clarion call to create a bandwagon that could lead to the formation of a new government before 2016. One of our more eminent columnists, ex-Sen. Kit Tatad, described the Aquino administration as the “most corrupt” in history. Kit, a prime mover of the NTC, cited the trillion-peso Priority Development Assistance Fund and Disbursement Acceleration Program scams as main examples of the administration’s abuse of public funds.

    Well, the President has gone stone deaf to the voices of his supposed bosses. He could hear only echoes of his own. Why, he wouldn’t even listen to the sound advice of Health Secretary Enrique Ona to cut down on his smoking for his own good! It wasn’t in retaliation for this unwelcome and unsolicited advice that BS Aquino canned Ona.

    The President’s mouthpieces have given a lot of reasons why he continues smoking even if he has signed laws stressing its health hazards. One said BS Aquino develops severe headache whenever he thinks about the problems of the state and that only by smoking will this headache be relieved. Should we pity him for having coughing fits then, the result of “relieving” his “severe headache about problems of the state?

    The increase in the excise tax on cigarettes by 700 percent could discourage the poor from smoking but the heir of a hacienda that remains undistributed to farmers could afford an increase even a thousand fold. I have many young farmer-relatives in Lupao, Nueva Ecija who continue smoking despite the hefty price increase in the cost of their bad habit. They must have been influenced by the example set by the man in Malacañang.

    Don’t get me wrong. I’m not taking BS Aquino to task for smoking incessantly. He may remain an unrepentant and relentless smoker for all I care. He’s already an adult and he can decide by himself on this issue. However, it’s only when his decisions affect not only himself but also the entire nation that others should take notice.

    Speaking of smoking, I just read a news report quoting the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as saying cigarette smoking among US adults last year touched its lowest record on record. The agencies said about 17.8 percent of adults smoked cigarettes in 2013, down from 20.9 percent in 2005 and 42.4 percent in 1965. They attributed the new record drop spurred to higher prices, smoke-free policies and anti-smoking campaigns. Obviously, higher prices, smoke-free policies and anti-smoking campaigns would not work on our “Man of Steel” despite his coughing fits.

    * * *

    BS Aquino The Last, I mean The Third. and his acolytes say he’s treading the “tuwid na daan” but oddly enough, he can’t walk straight. In fact, he waddles like a duck. Or is it like a lame duck? Say, did you notice that the North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un walks the same way? Look closely at video footages of the dictator who couldn’t stand criticism and who ascended to his high position because of the death of a parent and you’ll see what I mean. Oops, our resident grammarian Joe Carillo might call my attention to the unclear antecedent of the word “dictator.”



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    1. When I was living in the Philippines, I didn’t believe that we, as a people, are talangkas dragging each other down. From the outside now, I can see that it is true. Everyone wants to be the leader, the boss, the President. No one wants to give support, only criticisms. If support is given it is for a personal agenda. I hope lawmakers, law enforcers, media,and writers do not use their capacity to undermine those who are doing their work and who actually need their support. No president was ever appreciated. This is what the man can only give. But would you rather trade him for Marcos, Macapagal, Estrada, Enrile, Revilla, Binay,etc? All those money that should have been towards the upliftment of the Filipino…

    2. The Filipino people will be very very very happy if he will be resigning as the head of the nation, and held a snap election for better leader of this country.

    3. Former Press Sec. Kit Tatad knew who threw this joke in one of the rallies of the Liberal Party at Plaza, Miranda. The joke came from Sen. Ninoy Aquino, Jr. himself when he said that Pres. Marcos and Finance Sec. Virata where in a helicopter ride around Manila & Suburbs ( Manila, Quezon City, Pasay and Caloocan ) when Pres. Marcos threw thousands of pesos in each of the city and Marcos and Virata saw how people where happy scrambling for the money. Then Pres. Marcos asked Finance Sec. Virata that they again throw money at the municipalities of Muntinlupa, Pasig. Malabon, San Juan, Pateros, Tagig, Malabon and Navotas and they saw how happy people chasing the monies. Then Pres. Marcos asked Sec. Virata how can they make the whole Pilipino people happy and Sec. Virata could not give an answer. Pres. Marcos kept on asking Virata until the Pilot said ” Mr. President, why don’t you jump out and I’m sure all Filipinos will be happy”.
      The crowed at Plaza Miranda laugh and laugh until the wee hour of the morning, including me and the headline of the Manila Times was ” Helicopter Pilot Fired ” .
      Now your joke is on his son BA III. WALA NAMAN BALIKAN, MR. DANAO?

    4. About this concluding statement of yours, Efren: “Oops, our resident grammarian Joe Carillo might call my attention to the unclear antecedent of the word ‘dictator.’”

      Not to worry! It’s best to let fuzzy semantics trump grammar in queasy parallels like that.

    5. P. Akialamiro@yahoo.com on

      I couldn’t agree more to the ‘suggested’ solutions to make the Filipinos happy and the entire Philippines happy. And to those who do not like the Pres. B.S. Aquino, the Third or The Last, just stand by. Cigarette is ‘working’ for you. Soon he will really be a “man of steel”. I mean the steel oxygen container one carries along due to smoking, if one doesn’t ever quit..